I purchased 56 pregnancy tests online a couple weeks ago and with the anticipation of my upcoming transfer in July and knowing that I would be peeing on a pregnancy stick like crazy I wanted to have a NEGATIVE test to compare it to. So Friday night, the day my period was due I tested. "Oh my gosh!!" I tested positive on an internet cheapie so I immediately drank a cup of water and waited an hour and tested with a digital. *Pregnant*
I just wanted to cry.......
This was not the plan. This was NOT supposed to happen. I am going to be a surrogate again. I am going to have a baby for Sophie & Pépe. My world just got turned upside down and S&P's dreams just got shattered. This was not the plan.
Without sharing too much information - I'll just say that my husband and I thought we were protected..... We were confident we wouldn't get pregnant.
I told my husband Saturday morning. He watched me stand in the shower and cry. This was not the plan. Not my plan....
An hour later I sent the most difficult letter I have ever had write. I had to tell S&P that I would not be able to be a surrogate for them. A child is always a blessing and will be celebrated, but it was so hard to wrap my head around that. I just took that dream away from Sophie & Pépe. We did talk a few hours later and this morning I told the agency; but I wanted them to hear it from me. At this point I don't think that we will be getting to meet S&P when they come to visit. The pain will be too difficult.
I spent all day Saturday crying and trying to wrap my head and heart around the change of plans. My husband finally told me that I needed to stop crying and start celebrating.
My mourning will continue for S&P, but for now I need to be happy for me. For this precious little life I have been blessed with.
{{HUGS}} to S&P and for allowing me into your lives; the lives of two beautiful, deserving people!!
