Bumping the Belly

I was told I needed to do an update, but until just the other day I didn't have anything new to report - -

Saturday evening I felt the little Intruder bumping around and placed my hand instinctively on my belly.   Then I felt him/her bump on my hand.   Nothing too noticeable, just a little bump.   I grinned ear to ear and grabbed my husbands hand and placed it on my belly.   Withing a few seconds he looked at me at the same time I looked at him.....  "Did you feel it?" I asked excitedly?!?!   "Well maybe, but it felt really soft like your heartbeat."

That was it.  Our babies first HELLO to daddy.  *smile*   What a warm, wonderful feeling!!!

16 weeks - 4 months

Just thought I would do a quick belly shot update (I think my last one was 8 weeks...Ooops!)

I am (according to MY calculations) 16 weeks, 4 lunar months!   I am pretty darn sure it has been over a week since I have thrown up.  Yippee!!!  I am not starving all the time.   I can go sometimes a couple hours without eating.   I am feeling baby bump more and more regular.  My contractions started about a week ago.   Pregnancy is progressing nicely!

According to one place I get my baby updates from; the little Intruder is almost 5" long by now.   Our baby might be sucking his/her thumb.  We could probably tell gender if we wanted to know - we don't!  The eyes and ears are all in their correct places and the circulatory system is completely functional. 

Can I tell you how stuffy I have been?!?!?  Geez - every morning when I wake up I have to sneeze like crazy and numerous times throughout the day I will have sneezing fits.   It's crazy.  Again, I have never been this plugged up with any other pregnancy - it is almost comical.  

Here is an inside look at a 16 week old fetus -

So awesome!!

Got Boobs?

Dude.  I got boobs.   And they fricken' hurt!!!!

I know breast tenderness is one of first signs of being pregnant, but with this pregnancy it is just NOW starting (at 15 weeks).   Seriously.   They are finally starting to inflate and look like boobs again and not just flat pancakes rolled up and stuffed into a bra....... I am so excited!!

When I got pregnant with my oldest my boobs growing was the first thing I noticed - although I didn't put it together that I was pregnant.  I was just excited my boobs were finally growing, I had always wanted them just a 'little bit bigger'.  To celebrate my new found fluffy-ness I went out and pierced one of them.  I was 20 years old, living in Vegas and decided *that* was what I was going to do.....    It    H.U.R.T.   A lot.   Looking back now I realize it was because I was pregnant, but who would have thunk it?!?!   :-)

The OB I finally got (once I realized I was pregnant) scared the crap out of me and told me the piercing needed to come out ASAP or blah, blah, blah could happen.   Well of course OB's know *everything* so I removed it almost immediately.   Dang, I really enjoyed having it....

Fast forward a couple years.  I am done breastfeeding, getting ready to do a surrogacy but thing are, as normal, hurry up and wait.   So I figure, you know what - I won't be breastfeeding this baby (...right....), I should go pierce BOTH my nipples this time.   So I did.  I wasn't pregnant and had breastfed my son for 10 months..... those piercings didn't hurt a bit.   I was laying on the table with my legs Indian style and the girl pierce both sides.   AWESOME!!!  I loved them.   They healed quickly, they felt great and of course, they looked wonderful - click if you want to see someone ELSE's up close shot of a nipple ring. 

....well since I was in a holding pattern for surrogacy I got in big trouble for having a piercing done.   So I inadvertently cause *another* 6 month delay.  They had to wait that long for Hep & HIV testing to be redone.   Just a little rebellious.   As my hormones changed with pregnancy one of the piercings 'looked funny' and the fertility doctor freaked out and removed it - turns out later, he apologized and said he over reacted.  But, I kept the one in through the entire pregnancy 'til I went to nurse that baby in the hospital and realized "...Hmmm, that might be kind of difficult" so I removed the barbell I had in and put it in the little dixie cup they gave me.  Of course a few minutes later I was moved to the recovery room and that little dixie cup got left behind......

Some day I'll pierce again..... I really enjoyed them.   And let me tell you - I have pierced my nose since then and that HURTS!!! It also never healed - so I took that puppy out!   Give me a nipple piercing any day..... just not anytime soon 'cuz my boobs are really sensitive right now.  I think the HCG is finally migrating out of my sickness stage into the 'I get to grow boobs' stage.   Finally!!

Time for Sparkle

I think it is high time for me to start being sparkly again!   I am doing better and better with managing my morning (all day) sickness and I am starting to feel GOOD!  

I can't say 'what' has changed, but I think that I am finally opening up my heart all the way.  I am being blessed and I need to start showing it.  I have been saying what I know and what I *should* be feeling all along, but it is really hard to get my mind and my heart on the same page.  I think I have been migrating this direction for a couple weeks, but I think I have finally arrived where I was trying to get to - being happy.

I am almost 15 weeks - more than a 1/3 of the way through this pregnancy.   We got to hear the baby on doppler this last week.  Our baby's heartbeat in the comfort of our living room.  What is better than that?

Looking back now I can say that I have been depressed.  I know I just needed to 'snap out of it', but it was definitely easier said than done.  I am glad I recognized where I was - even while going through it.  I didn't feel like anyone was in danger and I kept checking myself to see if I needed to seek out help.  My close friends know I have been having a hard time, some have been praying for me (Thank you!).   It was just some place that *I* needed to bring myself out of.  My husband called me on it one day - he said something to the effect of 'our baby is going to know if you aren't happy and I need you to be happy that we are having another baby!'  Of course the tears flowed.....    I knew I wasn't in a good place, but I always felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I always want to have 4 children..... but I always said I was going to be done having children at 30.  I made it.  Our daughter was born when I was 29.    When this beautiful Intruder comes I will be 33.......... I know it isn't old by any means (my hubby will turn 50 the month after the baby is born!), but this pregnancy has been more difficult on me than any of the other ones so far.   I am positive that my emotions were probably playing more of a role in effecting the physically than I was giving them credit for. 

Now let's hope I can stay in a place where I am sparkly and unicorns fart rainbows!!  ETA - And poop butterflies!   :)

My time in France is done....

I am not a surrogate for Sophie & Pepe.   I don't get to be a surrogate for Sophie & Pepe.   They have moved on and (hopefully) have found their perfect match of a surrogate.   I need to move on.

On my phone I have had MY time and Paris time - it made me feel closer to S&P knowing at a glance what time it was where they were.  Just getting off work?   Enjoying breakfast?  Settling down to watch their American TV shows?

I realized I needed to move on.   So, I have finally deleted Paris time off my phone.   Now, it isn't a constant remind of what I didn't get to accomplish with them.  I don't have that twinge of pain every time I call or text someone. 

I haven't  heard from them since there were in Oregon in June.  Pepe said they would let me know when they are holding a baby in their arms.... I don't know if that will happen or not.  I would hope that they would, but then again, I wouldn't blame them at all if I don't ever hear from them again.   I have their email address, but I don't want to intrude.  I don't want to cause them any more hurt.  I am giving them space.

My time in France is done.  au revoir et salut

14 Week Flip

Well I have hit the 2nd trimester and it was like a switch has been flipped.  At 12 weeks I started NOT puking every morning.  Yippee!! I still have had a couple 'off' days, but normally it is when I am pushing myself to do too much too early or I didn't eat very well in the morning.

Today I had my 'almost 14 week' check up.  We didn't do any blood/urine monitoring, but I know that my iron is still really low so I am going to start doing some OTC supplements to try to get it back up.  I am definitely doing better on protein, but still not too well with the red meat.

One thing that was brought up today at my appointment is that fact that my uterus is already starting to 'tip out'.   For some reason I don't carry my babies close to my body, they like to LEAN waaaaayyyyyy out over my pubic bone which is great unless you want to walk or sit or anything along those lines.  Pendulous.  So I need to start wearing my belly bra. The other belly bands are great if you have a 'normal' belly, but since mine will literally fold those bands in 1/2 they don't really do me a whole lot of good.    She also mentioned the dreaded words - Bed Rest.   If it gets to bad it is something we will have to think about as I get further along.  For now, just rest while I can (I have to rest after nearly everything I do, so this shouldn't be too big of a problem!).

This last week I have been spoiled by some wonderful women in my life who have taken time out of their busy schedule and contributed to making my house just a bit cleaner.  I had three special 'cleaning fairies' that came and worked on my house!   Soooo nice to come home from our little camp trip to have my floors mopped & vacuumed, my laundry caught up and my bathrooms cleaned up.  

Here is to starting to feel 'normal' again - where I can be my happy, joyful self and start driving people nuts again!!!  :)

Life is so precious

We all know this.  But last week I had a reality check - my son was injured in an accident on the farm while he was working with his g'pa.  That accident could have very easily been fatal and that scares the daylights out of me!  Unless you know about farm equipment it won't make much sense, but he had been helping with the loading of the hay bales and a giant metal plate that lifts up 10 hay bales at once drop on him, knocking him down and pinning his head while his body was being dragged.   G'pa was very quick to react and was thinking 3 steps ahead.  He knew what each step was that he needed to take.  I have been thanking God and a few special guardian angels for watching over my son, Tilor and his g'pa that day. 

Walking into the hospital ER armed only with the information I had received {Tilor was pinched in some farm equipment and is on his way to the ER} was terrifying.  I remained calm and I didn't cry - almost; but I held it together.  I called my husband and told him what I knew and that I was on my way to the ER.  I also called my mom who drove out to meet us and text my wonderful friend, Tanya.  Tanya immediately called our church and Tilor was put on the prayer chain - the youth pastor also arrived about 10 minutes after I did at the hospital.   The blood on his face was from a cut in his cheek that required 9 stitches, but he also had scratches, bruising and swelling on the other side of his head where the metal plate had actually knocked him down.   Not too bad for having his head pinned down by 1,000lbs of weight, huh?

Life is precious.  I have been having such a hard time accepting and getting excited about being pregnant, but if I had lost my son last Monday my world would have been destroyed.  I would have been destroyed.  This precious baby that I am carrying has sure been giving me a lot of perspective.  Life can be taken from us in an instant.  Hug your children just a little tighter, tell someone you love how much you appreciate them or just take a minute to thank God for those people who surround you with their love! 

I am taking the time to rub my belly.

Been a bit stressed

This week and been a stressful one to say it nicely.  My oldest son had a very close call in a farming accident this week along with some other issues going on in the world around me.......  

I need a break.  So, my family and I are taking off and going camping!   Actually the trip has been planned since January and we REALLY need it right now.  We need time to relax together and laugh together and celebrate life together!

I will be gone a few days and I return in time for my midwife appointment on Monday.  More details and updates to come.   For now, I just need an escape.

SMO Addict

Hello,  my name is Heather and I am an SMO addict.  There is an online support group for surrogate mothers (and parents) that I decided to become a part of when I started looking at becoming a surrogate mother again.   After I got pregnant I made the decision to still continue to be part of the community since I had 'been there, done that' and might be able to offer some words of advise.   

I think this might be a hang up for me.  I am still hearing the joy that the girls get when they are getting their BFP for their IP's.  I am weeping with then when a baby is lost (and it has been a hard month!).  I listen to the stories from IM's about their longing for a baby and having circumstances change that.

I feel guilty.  I feel connected, but then again not.  I have become friends with some of the women on the board and want to continue following their journeys but I think I need to step away from the 'support board' since I am not a surrogate.   It is also very taboo too announce that you are leaving *snort* so, I am not doing that.   :)   I'll just leave it here.

So for those of you that are 'blog stalkers' from SMO - I wish you the best and I will continue following your journey's on your blogs but I can't be a part of the day to day *drama*, fun and support on SMO.   I am having a hard time getting excited about my own pregnancy.  If I hadn't have gotten pregnant with our own I would probably be in the 2WW for my couple.  This breaks my heart......

My womb has been filled, now I need my heart to be filled......
                    maybe then I'll get my sparkle back.

12 Weeks

Yesterday I hit the 12 week mark.   The 'safe' zone.  I should be able to let out a big sigh of relief in knowing that our baby will probably be carried to term and there won't be complications..... This is normally when skeptical parents begin announcing that they are expecting.  

Today is the first day in a very long time that I haven't thrown up while I have been at home - at least not yet.   I won't get too excited that I am over it.  I am more realistic than that!   I am hoping that it is my glimmer of hope that over the next few weeks I will be getting sick less and less often.    

I am not sure that my 'sparkle' is here yet.  I don't think so.  Is my physical sickness affecting my emotions?  Or is my emotions affecting me physically?  I wish I knew so I could start working on it........

In the mean time - here is a quick little summary of where we are at in baby development right now.   I also read in one of my baby books that the intestines are starting to migrate through the umbilical cord to the abdomen of the little Intruder.  What an amazing thing to help create a child;  guided by the hand of God.. 

You are 12 weeks pregnant. (fetal age 10 weeks)

• The fetus is now about 2.5 inches (6cm) length and weighs about 0.7 ounce (20 g).
• The feet are almost half an inch (1cm) long.
• The fetus starts moving spontaneously.
• The face is beginning to look like a baby's face.
• The pancreas is functioning and producing insulin.
• Fingernails and toenails appear.
• The baby can suck his thumb, and get hiccups.

From this week you may well be able to hear the baby's heart beat through a doppler monitor on your tummy. You will notice that the rate is up to 160 a minute, double that of a normal adult.

Your baby now has a chin and a nose and a facial profile. Vocal chords are complete, and the baby can and does sometimes cry silently. The brain is fully formed, and the baby can also feel pain. The fetus may even suck his thumb. The eyelids now cover the eyes, and will remain shut until the seventh month to protect the delicate optical nerve fibers. The hair is on the head and the fingers and toes have developed soft nails. The kidneys are developed and begin to secrete urine.

Your baby weighs between 0.5 and 0.7 ounce (14 to 20g), and crown-to-rump length is almost 2.5 inches (63mm). Your baby's size has almost doubled in the past 3 weeks.

Flutters!

I felt flutters!!   I am soooo excited!   Around 4am this morning I was half asleep laying in bed and felt a little bump.  I was wide awake immediately to see if I could feel it again and sure enough - there was that wonderful, familiar bump, bump, bump.  I was awake long enough to feel it in a couple different places. 

Oh, how I *love* the comfort of feeling the baby move.  It makes the nausea and sickness totally worth it.

I know it is early and it might be awhile before I feel the little Intruder again and that is okay.  Eventually it will be something that is more and more regular.  I especially like that I get to feel the flutters for a few weeks before anyone else does.   That is a time that we get to start building our bond, our special play time.

I fell back asleep with a smile on my face!!    
11.2 weeks

Appointment updates

I had two appointments today and wanted to give a little update.....  but first I want to say sorry for being MIA for the last 2 weeks.   My morning sickness has been kicking my butt and I also went on another family vacation to Mt. St. Helens.

So I met with my midwife again today, only 2 weeks after my last appointment.  I questioned that today when I got there and she expressed that she was concerned about how I was doing emotionally with this pregnancy and didn't want to wait too long to check on me.   Ahhhh, feel the love?!?!  I do!

I assured her that I really was doing fine with the pregnancy but I still don't have my 'spark' about the pregnancy like I normally do.  She notices it and so do I..... but I just don't know what I can do differently at this point.  Emotionally it has been so hard to change gears and maybe I am not 100% there yet.  I would absolutely be devastated if something happened to this pregnancy though!

We did a quick couple tests - my iron is way down and my glucose was pretty high.  I can attribute the high glucose to my Lucky Charms I had before I ran out the door for my appointment.  Horrible choice for  my 2nd breakfast, I know but the only think that sounded 'ok' that I might be able to keep down.  My iron has dropped from a pre-pregnancy of 12.8 to a 10.   I am sure that is contributed to my lack of enthusiasm for red meat so far.  Normally I am a burger girl and those sound horrible to me.  Our freezer is full of elk meat his is super high in iron and protein but the thought just turns my stomach.  Although I have been sick I am still gaining weight so we aren't too concerned at this point, but I *really * need to start eating some red meat!

My other appointment today was for a follow up ultrasound to verify/check dates.  It is so surreal to have an ultrasound...... I haven't had one for my own children for 10 1/2 years!  My surro's had sooo many that it was nice to just trust my body to grow the baby and what ever happens, happens.   Since I didn't know exactly when I conceived with this baby I wanted a date.  I needed a dated.  :)  I found out today that according to the ultrasound I am 10 weeks and 1 day pregnant with an estimated due date of February 6th.   I know I should be happy that I have a date, but I am even more frustrated because the dates just don't make sense.  At all.   There is NO WAY that sperm lived 10+ days, it is impossible.   But whatever........  I am going to keep my guess date of February 1st.  Sounds like a good day to me. 

So - I would like to introduce you to:  "The Intruder"

I know that it doesn't seem like a very nice name, but my hubby came to me after work one evening and rubbed my belly and said "How's the little intruder doing?"   It is a term of endearment and until we come up with something else that will be the nickname.  Oh yeah, and I verified there is only ONE baby.    We were starting to wonder........

Contractions are kind of like ketchup....

 Can we talk about ketchup for a little while?  It is pregnancy related in a weird sort of twisted way….

I had an appointment with my midwife yesterday and when I arrived she was just finishing up an appointment with a friend of mine.  She made a comment that her baby was probably going to be a big one since she was measuring 1-2 weeks further along and our MW made a comment about her thinking is that the larger babies come out easier because our uterus doesn’t have to work as hard squishing the baby out (although I am pretty sure she didn’t use the word squishing…).

So last night I was tossing and turning in bed thinking about this and I can related it best to a bottle of ketchup, so let me try.

When you have a full bottle of ketchup you have to turn it over give it a little wiggle and then squeeze and you will get a nice amount of ketchup before you need to let the air bubble rise to the top so you can continue squeezing.  Right?

Well when you have a bottle that is only ½ full or less you have to wiggle and shake and tap that ketchup down and SQUEEZE.   The air bubble doesn’t rise as easily and then you have to tap, tap again and SQUEEZE.   You following me?

So if you are pregnant and delivering a larger baby (let’s say 8lbs +) your uterus doesn’t have to contract in as far to ‘grab hold’ of that baby and squeeze that baby out.   Now if you have a smaller baby your uterus has to contract more each time, then let up then contract down further again making it work more and more.

Maybe that is why some women with smaller babies have longer labors?  I don’t know, but I am curious and I think I might start paying attention to this a little more.   My kids (including surro’s) have all been between 8lbs5oz and 10lbs4oz.  My labors have been (start to finish) 45minutes to 4 hours long.   Correlation? 

Does my theory make sense to you?   Can you follow it?   ….next time you are fighting with that bottle of ketchup you’ll probably chuckle to yourself imagining that your uterus is contacting to get that last bit out!!

 By the way, I *love* ketchup.   I don't like mayo, mustard, BBQ sauce or things like that; add ketchup to my sandwich any day!   Thanksgiving?  Please pass the ketchup for my turkey. 

The Bump is Back

There is no denying that I look pregnant.   Since I still don't have an official 'you are this far along' date or anything I am still guesstimating.   At this point I am around 8.3 weeks pregnant.   However since this is my 6th baby I look like I am about 6 months along already.   Yeah, really.

 So as you can see - the one on the left was taken about 4 weeks ago and the one on the right was taken this morning.  Keep in mind that I am sucking in too.   :)  

You can also see that I got a little bit of a tan while I was on vacation too!   It was wonderful and I was distracted enough and had enough of a variety of wonderful foods that I haven't gotten sick for 5 days!!   Yippee!!!   So excited!

I have my second midwife appointment tomorrow at 11am and I have a follow up ultrasound appointment to check for dates on July 12th at 1pm.  After that we won't have anymore ultrasounds. 

I also wanted to post an update about S&P - before they leave to go back to France they will be flying to LA to meet with a couple from Colorado to possibly match with!  They have been enjoying their time in Oregon and even spent one of their days at Kah-Nee-Ta (where I just got back from) after I told them how what a warm and relaxing place it was.  I have been praying for a perfect match for them, so if you would like, please join me.   They deserve to have a child in their arms and if I can't do it, I want a 'perfect' match for them!!

Taking a Dip -

For the next 4 days this is all I plan on doing - just relaxing and enjoying the sunshine and the water..........

Ahhhhhhhh -

Reality is I probably won't be able to that much, but I will be sitting by a pool, I will be playing in a pool and I will be soaking up the sunshine (yes Mom, I packed LOTS of sunscreen!)  My family is heading to one of our 3 mini-vacations this year.   We are heading to Kah-Nee-Ta which has been a family vacation destination since I was little.  In the years since I started going they experience a major flood, subsequent remodel and have added a Casino and hotel down the road.   I still enjoy the village - nice and small and intimate.  

The 'baby' pool is 4-8" deep and the 'big' pool is 2 feet all the way up to 12 feet with 2 large water slides and 1 small one for the kids not tall enough for the big ones.  They allow floaty toys in the pool which is *great*!  Lounge chairs are provided as long as you arrive early and stake your claim to them.  Since we are staying in the village it normally isn't a problem to get there before the crowds (ie - day users) and make sure you get a couple seats.  Teepees are one way to enjoy your time staying here and we have done that a couple times - but now that we have a trailer we take that with us.  Tent camping is not allowed, but there are condominium style hotel rooms that you can rent also.  

This year we get the pleasure of have a couple other families join us which is always great for the kids, nice for the parents to have extra eyes and just all around FUN!   The food is purchased, the swimsuits are packed, the sunscreen has been stocked up and now we are just waiting for our kids to wake up so we can hit the road!!

....have you noticed I haven't said anything about being sick?   I am hoping that if I ignore it I will be able to enjoy this time away.   :)   Probably won't work, but after getting sick 3 times yesterday and having to rest between each little chore I did I want a little break from the yuckies.  I am hoping lots of good snacking food (tons of fresh fruit and veggies), the sunshine and the good company will keep me distracted. 

Oh yeah - and I'll be wearing my bikini whether I should or not!!!   Hee-Hee!

Ugh -

It has started already.   Three out of the last 4 days I have gotten sick.   Doesn't seem to matter whether I have just eaten or haven't eaten for awhile.  Time doesn't seem to matter either - twice in the morning, once in the evening.  Ugh -    Starting a bit earlier than usual so I am hoping that it will be done earlier than usual.   Wishful thinking, I know.  Our family is going on vacation in the middle of next week and I am *really* hoping that I will be distracted enough that I won't be too sick.   Yeah, wishful thinking again.   *smile*

Tonight my husband surprised me with a rootbeer float.   My very first trip to his house while we were dating we made rootbeer floats and it became a tradition for important celebrations - at our wedding all of our guests joined us and toasted with rootbeer floats too.   So, for my husband to surprise me with one tonight really warmed my heart.

We are celebrating!

If you look - under my "I love..." list I have rootbeer floats!  :)

I'm Hungry. A lot.

I am hungry.   Very hungry.   Every 2 hours....   I have to eat NOW!!!!

I have to eat every 2 hours, if I don't I turn into a crazy hungry lady.   Every two hours I need a 'hit of protein' so I can function.... unfortunately for me, the greasier the better, but I am proud to say I have stayed away from McD's so far.  I am sure french fries are in my near future though....   A few times I have been in the grocery store and had to go to the deli so I can get a chicken strip (or 2).   Really I was wanting gizzards but neither of the grocery stores around me had them.  Total bummer.
So, for now I am functioning.   A functioning food addict. I have eaten many elk burgers and numerous plates of spaghetti for breakfast.   Bananas are my friend for holding me over 'til I can heat something up.  I bought some protein powder so I could add some to fruit smoothies I want to make but my children helped me put the groceries away and now I have no idea where the bag of soy protein powder went.   Hmmmmm....

Ok, I just finished breakfast so I better go get ready for the day so I can come back and eat again - - -  It's a vicious circle.   

Started Praying

So three nights ago I finally started praying - praying for the baby.   Up until this point I have been praying for me.  Praying for me to wrap my head and my heart around the changes.  Praying for me to start accepting this baby and the new addition to our family.   On Tuesday I realized that I needed to start praying for the baby.  I praised God for blessing our family and to grow and protect our little one. 

Can I tell you how much better I felt once I gave it up to Him?   "You have done this, You have trusted us and now I am putting my trust back in You."   Ahhhhh - what a relief!!!

I can have fear or I can have faith - and I know that one will always replace the other.   I don't want to live in fear, I want to have faith that God is doing what is right on his timing - so I am living by faith now!

God please bless this little one and keep him/her safe and growing strong!  Amen!

Award goes to....

 I would like to give this to my husband - the 'SuperSperm' award.  Without going into the lovely details {that I have promised to keep quiet} about our sex life - He HAS to have super sperm in order for me to have gotten pregnant.  Especially with how far along I am........

According to the US technician today I am somewhere around 3 weeks gestation (so 5 weeks for most people).   That is quite a bit off from my calculations, but apparently if the SuperSperm are defying the odds and getting me pregnant in the first place and then the timing.... well it must be a God-thing.  That is the only answer.

 My beta numbers that I had drawn on June 1st (781)& June 3rd (1683) doubled in 40.83 hours, so I know that part is okay.   Today I was only able to see, as I like to call it, 'the black hole'.  We think we were able to see the beginning of the fetal pole, but it was so hard to see.   *I am wondering how old the equipment is, but I digress.....*  I was told I could come back in 3-4 weeks to get a more accurate date, but at this point I don't know if I want to do anything more invasive.    Here is an US picture (NOT mine!) of what I was able to see today. 

So - I am now unofficially 5 weeks pregnant!

Being Stubborn

So now probably isn't the time to tell you I'm stubborn, but I am.  


I am decided to keep my blog going....... I have gone back and forth if I should just delete it since I hasn't served the purpose I had hoped - letting you follow my journey to become a surrogate again.

However, life happens, and I guess when it comes down to it, that is what I am blogging about.

I got pregnant.  I am pregnant.   I am pregnant!!!! 

I have shed my tears and I have mourned for the journey I don't get to complete and the baby I don't get to deliver for S&P.  I can't change anything from the past - I am moving forward.  I am going to start celebrating!

Today I had my first midwife appointment and in less than an hour I will go to my one and only ultrasound appointment.  I am just going to get the dates so we have a more accurate due date.  My last 2 children were born *just fine* without an ultrasound and really I don't NEED one now, but it is a want.   I want to know my due date.   Not that it is written in stone, but all of my children have been born within 7 hours of their due date.  I am just curious.   ...and I am stubborn.

Tonight I will make my 'official' announcement that we are expecting.  My blog followers have been very supportive and it has helped me sooo much.  I know I need to stop mourning and I am  hoping that I will make today that turning point.  I am going to celebrate the upcoming birth of our child!

I am pregnant!!!