SMO Addict

Hello,  my name is Heather and I am an SMO addict.  There is an online support group for surrogate mothers (and parents) that I decided to become a part of when I started looking at becoming a surrogate mother again.   After I got pregnant I made the decision to still continue to be part of the community since I had 'been there, done that' and might be able to offer some words of advise.   

I think this might be a hang up for me.  I am still hearing the joy that the girls get when they are getting their BFP for their IP's.  I am weeping with then when a baby is lost (and it has been a hard month!).  I listen to the stories from IM's about their longing for a baby and having circumstances change that.

I feel guilty.  I feel connected, but then again not.  I have become friends with some of the women on the board and want to continue following their journeys but I think I need to step away from the 'support board' since I am not a surrogate.   It is also very taboo too announce that you are leaving *snort* so, I am not doing that.   :)   I'll just leave it here.

So for those of you that are 'blog stalkers' from SMO - I wish you the best and I will continue following your journey's on your blogs but I can't be a part of the day to day *drama*, fun and support on SMO.   I am having a hard time getting excited about my own pregnancy.  If I hadn't have gotten pregnant with our own I would probably be in the 2WW for my couple.  This breaks my heart......

My womb has been filled, now I need my heart to be filled......
                    maybe then I'll get my sparkle back.