I think it is high time for me to start being sparkly again! I am doing better and better with managing my morning (all day) sickness and I am starting to feel GOOD!
I can't say 'what' has changed, but I think that I am finally opening up my heart all the way. I am being blessed and I need to start showing it. I have been saying what I know and what I *should* be feeling all along, but it is really hard to get my mind and my heart on the same page. I think I have been migrating this direction for a couple weeks, but I think I have finally arrived where I was trying to get to - being happy.
I am almost 15 weeks - more than a 1/3 of the way through this pregnancy. We got to hear the baby on doppler this last week. Our baby's heartbeat in the comfort of our living room. What is better than that?
Looking back now I can say that I have been depressed. I know I just needed to 'snap out of it', but it was definitely easier said than done. I am glad I recognized where I was - even while going through it. I didn't feel like anyone was in danger and I kept checking myself to see if I needed to seek out help. My close friends know I have been having a hard time, some have been praying for me (Thank you!). It was just some place that *I* needed to bring myself out of. My husband called me on it one day - he said something to the effect of 'our baby is going to know if you aren't happy and I need you to be happy that we are having another baby!' Of course the tears flowed..... I knew I wasn't in a good place, but I always felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I always want to have 4 children..... but I always said I was going to be done having children at 30. I made it. Our daughter was born when I was 29. When this beautiful Intruder comes I will be 33.......... I know it isn't old by any means (my hubby will turn 50 the month after the baby is born!), but this pregnancy has been more difficult on me than any of the other ones so far. I am positive that my emotions were probably playing more of a role in effecting the physically than I was giving them credit for.
Now let's hope I can stay in a place where I am sparkly and unicorns fart rainbows!! ETA - And poop butterflies! :)
Glad you are feeling more like yourself. Quite a big change of plans and transition. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI'm happy for you that you've got your sparkle back! Sometimes it's almost even more depressing to think that "you're" depressed about having a baby. I know I felt that way when I was pregnant with Tommy...I should be happy, this is supposed to be a blessing, babies are wonderful. But I hated it for a while.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you've gotten your sparkle back. It took me a lot longer than you to get mine back, and I regret it even today. Love that little precious one with everything that's in you. It really is a blessing!
Yay!!! You are back, no one can do that work but you. It is a tough hill to climb too. I love you and your family! Tanya
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