Bumping the Belly

I was told I needed to do an update, but until just the other day I didn't have anything new to report - -

Saturday evening I felt the little Intruder bumping around and placed my hand instinctively on my belly.   Then I felt him/her bump on my hand.   Nothing too noticeable, just a little bump.   I grinned ear to ear and grabbed my husbands hand and placed it on my belly.   Withing a few seconds he looked at me at the same time I looked at him.....  "Did you feel it?" I asked excitedly?!?!   "Well maybe, but it felt really soft like your heartbeat."

That was it.  Our babies first HELLO to daddy.  *smile*   What a warm, wonderful feeling!!!

16 weeks - 4 months

Just thought I would do a quick belly shot update (I think my last one was 8 weeks...Ooops!)

I am (according to MY calculations) 16 weeks, 4 lunar months!   I am pretty darn sure it has been over a week since I have thrown up.  Yippee!!!  I am not starving all the time.   I can go sometimes a couple hours without eating.   I am feeling baby bump more and more regular.  My contractions started about a week ago.   Pregnancy is progressing nicely!

According to one place I get my baby updates from; the little Intruder is almost 5" long by now.   Our baby might be sucking his/her thumb.  We could probably tell gender if we wanted to know - we don't!  The eyes and ears are all in their correct places and the circulatory system is completely functional. 

Can I tell you how stuffy I have been?!?!?  Geez - every morning when I wake up I have to sneeze like crazy and numerous times throughout the day I will have sneezing fits.   It's crazy.  Again, I have never been this plugged up with any other pregnancy - it is almost comical.  

Here is an inside look at a 16 week old fetus -

So awesome!!

Got Boobs?

Dude.  I got boobs.   And they fricken' hurt!!!!

I know breast tenderness is one of first signs of being pregnant, but with this pregnancy it is just NOW starting (at 15 weeks).   Seriously.   They are finally starting to inflate and look like boobs again and not just flat pancakes rolled up and stuffed into a bra....... I am so excited!!

When I got pregnant with my oldest my boobs growing was the first thing I noticed - although I didn't put it together that I was pregnant.  I was just excited my boobs were finally growing, I had always wanted them just a 'little bit bigger'.  To celebrate my new found fluffy-ness I went out and pierced one of them.  I was 20 years old, living in Vegas and decided *that* was what I was going to do.....    It    H.U.R.T.   A lot.   Looking back now I realize it was because I was pregnant, but who would have thunk it?!?!   :-)

The OB I finally got (once I realized I was pregnant) scared the crap out of me and told me the piercing needed to come out ASAP or blah, blah, blah could happen.   Well of course OB's know *everything* so I removed it almost immediately.   Dang, I really enjoyed having it....

Fast forward a couple years.  I am done breastfeeding, getting ready to do a surrogacy but thing are, as normal, hurry up and wait.   So I figure, you know what - I won't be breastfeeding this baby (...right....), I should go pierce BOTH my nipples this time.   So I did.  I wasn't pregnant and had breastfed my son for 10 months..... those piercings didn't hurt a bit.   I was laying on the table with my legs Indian style and the girl pierce both sides.   AWESOME!!!  I loved them.   They healed quickly, they felt great and of course, they looked wonderful - click if you want to see someone ELSE's up close shot of a nipple ring. 

....well since I was in a holding pattern for surrogacy I got in big trouble for having a piercing done.   So I inadvertently cause *another* 6 month delay.  They had to wait that long for Hep & HIV testing to be redone.   Just a little rebellious.   As my hormones changed with pregnancy one of the piercings 'looked funny' and the fertility doctor freaked out and removed it - turns out later, he apologized and said he over reacted.  But, I kept the one in through the entire pregnancy 'til I went to nurse that baby in the hospital and realized "...Hmmm, that might be kind of difficult" so I removed the barbell I had in and put it in the little dixie cup they gave me.  Of course a few minutes later I was moved to the recovery room and that little dixie cup got left behind......

Some day I'll pierce again..... I really enjoyed them.   And let me tell you - I have pierced my nose since then and that HURTS!!! It also never healed - so I took that puppy out!   Give me a nipple piercing any day..... just not anytime soon 'cuz my boobs are really sensitive right now.  I think the HCG is finally migrating out of my sickness stage into the 'I get to grow boobs' stage.   Finally!!

Time for Sparkle

I think it is high time for me to start being sparkly again!   I am doing better and better with managing my morning (all day) sickness and I am starting to feel GOOD!  

I can't say 'what' has changed, but I think that I am finally opening up my heart all the way.  I am being blessed and I need to start showing it.  I have been saying what I know and what I *should* be feeling all along, but it is really hard to get my mind and my heart on the same page.  I think I have been migrating this direction for a couple weeks, but I think I have finally arrived where I was trying to get to - being happy.

I am almost 15 weeks - more than a 1/3 of the way through this pregnancy.   We got to hear the baby on doppler this last week.  Our baby's heartbeat in the comfort of our living room.  What is better than that?

Looking back now I can say that I have been depressed.  I know I just needed to 'snap out of it', but it was definitely easier said than done.  I am glad I recognized where I was - even while going through it.  I didn't feel like anyone was in danger and I kept checking myself to see if I needed to seek out help.  My close friends know I have been having a hard time, some have been praying for me (Thank you!).   It was just some place that *I* needed to bring myself out of.  My husband called me on it one day - he said something to the effect of 'our baby is going to know if you aren't happy and I need you to be happy that we are having another baby!'  Of course the tears flowed.....    I knew I wasn't in a good place, but I always felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I always want to have 4 children..... but I always said I was going to be done having children at 30.  I made it.  Our daughter was born when I was 29.    When this beautiful Intruder comes I will be 33.......... I know it isn't old by any means (my hubby will turn 50 the month after the baby is born!), but this pregnancy has been more difficult on me than any of the other ones so far.   I am positive that my emotions were probably playing more of a role in effecting the physically than I was giving them credit for. 

Now let's hope I can stay in a place where I am sparkly and unicorns fart rainbows!!  ETA - And poop butterflies!   :)

My time in France is done....

I am not a surrogate for Sophie & Pepe.   I don't get to be a surrogate for Sophie & Pepe.   They have moved on and (hopefully) have found their perfect match of a surrogate.   I need to move on.

On my phone I have had MY time and Paris time - it made me feel closer to S&P knowing at a glance what time it was where they were.  Just getting off work?   Enjoying breakfast?  Settling down to watch their American TV shows?

I realized I needed to move on.   So, I have finally deleted Paris time off my phone.   Now, it isn't a constant remind of what I didn't get to accomplish with them.  I don't have that twinge of pain every time I call or text someone. 

I haven't  heard from them since there were in Oregon in June.  Pepe said they would let me know when they are holding a baby in their arms.... I don't know if that will happen or not.  I would hope that they would, but then again, I wouldn't blame them at all if I don't ever hear from them again.   I have their email address, but I don't want to intrude.  I don't want to cause them any more hurt.  I am giving them space.

My time in France is done.  au revoir et salut

14 Week Flip

Well I have hit the 2nd trimester and it was like a switch has been flipped.  At 12 weeks I started NOT puking every morning.  Yippee!! I still have had a couple 'off' days, but normally it is when I am pushing myself to do too much too early or I didn't eat very well in the morning.

Today I had my 'almost 14 week' check up.  We didn't do any blood/urine monitoring, but I know that my iron is still really low so I am going to start doing some OTC supplements to try to get it back up.  I am definitely doing better on protein, but still not too well with the red meat.

One thing that was brought up today at my appointment is that fact that my uterus is already starting to 'tip out'.   For some reason I don't carry my babies close to my body, they like to LEAN waaaaayyyyyy out over my pubic bone which is great unless you want to walk or sit or anything along those lines.  Pendulous.  So I need to start wearing my belly bra. The other belly bands are great if you have a 'normal' belly, but since mine will literally fold those bands in 1/2 they don't really do me a whole lot of good.    She also mentioned the dreaded words - Bed Rest.   If it gets to bad it is something we will have to think about as I get further along.  For now, just rest while I can (I have to rest after nearly everything I do, so this shouldn't be too big of a problem!).

This last week I have been spoiled by some wonderful women in my life who have taken time out of their busy schedule and contributed to making my house just a bit cleaner.  I had three special 'cleaning fairies' that came and worked on my house!   Soooo nice to come home from our little camp trip to have my floors mopped & vacuumed, my laundry caught up and my bathrooms cleaned up.  

Here is to starting to feel 'normal' again - where I can be my happy, joyful self and start driving people nuts again!!!  :)

Life is so precious

We all know this.  But last week I had a reality check - my son was injured in an accident on the farm while he was working with his g'pa.  That accident could have very easily been fatal and that scares the daylights out of me!  Unless you know about farm equipment it won't make much sense, but he had been helping with the loading of the hay bales and a giant metal plate that lifts up 10 hay bales at once drop on him, knocking him down and pinning his head while his body was being dragged.   G'pa was very quick to react and was thinking 3 steps ahead.  He knew what each step was that he needed to take.  I have been thanking God and a few special guardian angels for watching over my son, Tilor and his g'pa that day. 

Walking into the hospital ER armed only with the information I had received {Tilor was pinched in some farm equipment and is on his way to the ER} was terrifying.  I remained calm and I didn't cry - almost; but I held it together.  I called my husband and told him what I knew and that I was on my way to the ER.  I also called my mom who drove out to meet us and text my wonderful friend, Tanya.  Tanya immediately called our church and Tilor was put on the prayer chain - the youth pastor also arrived about 10 minutes after I did at the hospital.   The blood on his face was from a cut in his cheek that required 9 stitches, but he also had scratches, bruising and swelling on the other side of his head where the metal plate had actually knocked him down.   Not too bad for having his head pinned down by 1,000lbs of weight, huh?

Life is precious.  I have been having such a hard time accepting and getting excited about being pregnant, but if I had lost my son last Monday my world would have been destroyed.  I would have been destroyed.  This precious baby that I am carrying has sure been giving me a lot of perspective.  Life can be taken from us in an instant.  Hug your children just a little tighter, tell someone you love how much you appreciate them or just take a minute to thank God for those people who surround you with their love! 

I am taking the time to rub my belly.