"Due Date" Tomorrow!!

Wow, I can't even believe it...... tomorrow is my 'guess date'!!!

I have so many thoughts and so many directions to go.......

The other night I took a nice long bath and spent most of the time reminiscing about where I was emotionally just 36 weeks ago.   How much I have been stretched both physically and emotionally and spiritually.  I have grown so much........  
I still think about Sophie & Pepe often and I pray that they have gotten their perfect match and even better would be if they are awaiting their own little bundle of joy.  I have not forgotten.  I will never forget. 

Withing the next couple days we will be welcoming our Little Intruder into our home and into our lives.   We will love completely and fully without any hesitation!!  This journey did not end as it was planned by me  -  but I think we have all learned and grown.

When I got out of the bath the other night my husband asked me "are you ready to have that baby yet?".   My answer took him by surprise, but I guess that is the difference between a man and a woman.   I answered "physically I am ready to be done.... emotionally, I still need some time."  He doesn't understand that emotionally I need to close this chapter and it has to be done on my terms, not on anyone else's.  I need to be okay with being done being pregnant..... he said - "why does it matter, the baby will still be here".   I guess I view pregnancy, labor and childbirth different then a lot of people.  I enjoy being pregnant.   Sure, I have been having some major discomfort, but that doesn't mean that I don't love it.   I lay awake at night just feeling all the little rolls, bumps and pokes.   I love to lift my shirt up and watch the baby move.  I love when my daughter comes up below my belly to give her baby a hug and a kiss.   Those are things that won't happen once I am no longer pregnant.   This baby also needs NO care right now - I don't have to feed it.  I don't' have to change diapers on him/her.  I don't have to soothe it to sleep.  I don't have to tell the kids "NO!".  I don't have to be 'grounded' to my house for 2 weeks yet........... I am look forward to most of those things, but I am not sure if I am ready yet!!!

One of the things holding me back from 'relaxing' enough to have the baby right now is the slow recovery my husband is having from his surgeries.   His hernia surgery is taking a bit more recovery than he thought it would take.  He is still feeling quite a bit of pain and is slow moving around.   I want him to be able to help and feel good when this baby comes.  I don't want him to be in pain while he is trying to be my main support person.

One nice thing about my husband's surgery - he has been home.  It has been nice to have had some down time as a family.   We aren't doing any sports right now (very intentional move) so the evenings have just been us at home.   Ahhhh!!   *smile*


So, we'll see.  I am not sure when the Little One will make their debut, I am still expecting some sort of surprise.......   My body has been ready.   It is large, swollen and doing what it needs to do to bring this baby into the world.  Our bedroom has been transformed into a little medical corner with all the things we need for the birth.  My video camera is charged up and ready to film the birth.   My blessingway has been done and we have lots of wonderful family and friends waiting in the wings......  
My children are anxiously awaiting their new sibling.   We all watched my daughter's birth video yesterday and none of my children were scared.  I showed them that I don't yell and scream.   I am calm but might make funny noises.   We talked about the baby being born in the water and when the placenta comes out that the water might get some blood in it.  Zeyon has even decided that he will sit on our bed and wait for the baby (before he was just going to play outside).   Sheridan has her seat picked out along side the tub and Tilor.... I'm not sure what his plans are.  I think he would be just fine watching, but I won't force him to do anything.  I'll let him take the lead.  When Mark and I crawled into bed last night and he says "let's talk about spellings".... so that was a fun conversation.  We both agreed on first and middle names for the boy, but the girl we both visualized differently.   Finally he said "well, at least I know".   I think that means I win........... *wink*  We'll find out!

Guess it is up to me to release this baby. 
                                I'll try to at least post a quick note about our baby's arrival.  Details would follow at another time.    I am excited!!  I really am!   Come out and play baby!!   I can't believe it is time!!!!!!

Blessingway ~ Belly Blessing

**WARNING**  Image Heavy!!

This past weekend I was eternally blessed by a handful of positive, beautiful women that support me and the way that my family chooses to welcome our babies.  Most of the moms have had their babies at home, a few of them are also expecting.  So what is a Blessingway?   This is the way my friend Sarah described it:  A gathering of women celebrating the miracle of birth, pregnancy, motherhood and womanhood....but definitely NOT like a traditional baby shower!!  


I was looking for a way to honor this pregnancy and our Little Intruder, but something different than I had ever done.   I really *loved* the idea of getting henna on my belly and told a few friends.   One of those friends suggested I research Blessingway's.   A Blessingway can be personalized in so many different ways - I wanted one that everyone would feel comfortable at.  I decided not to burn incense, not to do any chants and not to put burnt sage on my friends foreheads.   *smile*   Just a little out of my comfort zone and that of most of my friends.  

My blessingway was simple, comfortable and just PERFECT!  I would love to share pictures with you from my special day.   

This is me!

Sarah - who introduced me to Blessingway and helped me play my special day!

Tanya - my *best* Mommy friend I have!

Sabrina - She just had her first homebirth just a couple months ago!

Khaira - My niece by marriage.  I was honored to be at her VBAC

and the first birth I was ever got to see in person!

My friend Joy who thought we were all crazy to have homebirths....

and in July just had her first homebirth!

Kristin who I have known for over 15 years and has a habit of having children in cars.  ;-)  She is expecting baby #4 and is planning a homebirth this time!

This is KaShan who has had all 3 of her kids at home and just found out she is expecting twin girls!  Her mom is also my midwife!

This is my beautiful Momma!!!

So that is a quick introduction of most of the people at my Blessingway -  Here are a few shots of the Henna that we all got to have.   It was so fun!!

My BIG beautiful belly!!!

 Henna on the hands was a popular option!

 I love paisleys!

 Two paisleys representing the 2 girls she is carrying. 

 This is Sasha!   Simple & Gorgeous!

 Totally 'outside the box' and so pretty!!

 Hands & feet with my belly.

Everyone (but Joy...) with their henna!!

So after the henna we finally did introductions and then each person presented me with some beads.  Beads were brought so that a birth support necklace could be put together..... 

This is one example. (Notice the KangaRoo!)

The idea is to bring a bead that reminds the giver of me.... or would remind me of the giver.... or would signify something about our relationship. Once I get a good picture of the necklace I will post it - it turned out GORGEOUS!! It is amazing the thought and love that went into each bead & charm that was picked out!!

This is a *great* place to get a blessingway necklace if you are interested!!  She was also the person that came out and did our Henna tattoos, so if you are in the Portland area, drop her a message!

The last big part of the Blessingway was the wrist binding for the labor support bracelets.  We started in a circle with some red wool yarn and went back and forth across the circle wrapping the 'string' around out wrist in a show of solidarity.   The idea is that every time one of us looks at the bracelets we will think positive thoughts for labor and delivery for me and the baby.  

 Sarah bound and KaShan waiting -

 My mom, Michelle & Sasha bound -

 Wrapped & ready -

 Tanya with Baby G

 Of course I wanted one too!

Then we stepped back and watched the web grow.   After we took scissors and helped each other tie off their bracelets (or anklets if they chose to move them).   When my children returned home each of the boys chose to have a bracelet and my daughter wrapped her ankle.   After my husband came home from his surgeries he asked for his bracelet as well *warm fuzzies*.   Last night I got a message from Khaira; her 4 year old daughter wanted one as well, so they created a red bracelet for her as well.   The web of support grows!!

Good labor/delivery vibes should be thought when you look at the bracelets which will be worn until the the Little Intruder is born. When the word gets out that they baby has arrived safely each woman will 'cut the cord'.

 The final element that I chose to have at my Blessingway was to have one of my friends and supporters pray over me.   I had asked Sasha before hand to do this for me.   She was one of the first people I sent a message to when I found out I was pregnant.  I didn't say what was going on, but I told her I needed prayers.   To have her pray over me on this special day was like we had come full circle.  The anticipation and excitement that we have now is soooo much more positive then it was 9 months ago.  

I had such an incredible day!!!

Thank you to the women that supported me and loved me throughout my entire pregnancy and thank you to this core group of women that came and supported me at my Blessingway!!

Snip-snip

Just a very short post  -  I hope to post more in the next couple days about a wonderful Blessingway I had on Saturday!!

For tonight though... it is about my husband.   Tomorrow I take him in to repair 2 small hernias he has and after much talking we decided that the best thing to do would be to undergo a vasectomy while he is 'under'.

This is what we want.  We have talked about it over and over, it just never got done before.  Once I found out I was pregnant he said "guess I should go have that vasectomy done".   Better late than never I guess......

But then tonight it kind of hit me.  Yes, I am a little hormonal as it is, but I am really struggling with this right now.   This is permanent.  This is real.  This means we are Done.   Done, done.   That is really hard.

As I drove my kids to my friends house for the evening (we leave pretty early in the morning) I told my hubby I was sad.   And then the stupid tears started.......... Totally didn't expect that.   But I verbalized it.  I said it out loud.  That made it real.  No more kids for us after this little intruder.   {and the tears start again..... dang it!}

Of course we are all haveing fun joking and playing about it - drawing faces down there, making notes, putting X's and saying "do not remove" things like that...... the surgery is about getting the small hernias fixed, but this "small, second surgery" is sure doing a number on my emotions.

Now yes, people think we are NUTS (no pun intended!) for planning the surgery this close to my due date, but really, if the baby arrives 'on time' - somewhere around February 1st then that will give my husband a week to recuperate before taking over the primary care taker roll for me.   He already has plans to be home for 2 weeks after the baby arrives, so this will give him a total of 3 weeks to rest and heal.   That is way more than he would ever do for either surgery separate or together.   So, we are saying a prayer that I can make it over the hill into 'the city', have the surgeries and make it home tomorrow afternoon.   One more week before baby arrives would be nice......

sorry for the horrible sentence structure, run on sentences and fragments.

Check Please!

For the last two weeks I have been in 'final prep mode' and it is paying off!!   My list labeled "Baby To Do" has fewer and fewer things that don't have a check mark next to them.   The important things are done, the necessities are prepared and if I had the baby today then I would be totally fine.   Ok, except for the part that I am emotionally not ready, but that is another story.........

I am going to share my list with you.   Yes, it might seem like a lot but really in the grande scheme of things, I am probably more prepared than I need to be, that is just the way I operate.

**Diapers - I was asked to have my cloth diapers on hand for my postpartum bleeding (much softer than traditional pads).  These are the old chinese prefolds like my mom used for diapers.   They also make great burp cloths. 
**FuzziBunz - These are the diapers I use after the first month or so.  Love them!
**Kissaluvs - The diapers I use after the ONE package of disposable diapers we use - smaller size, easier for newborns.
**Receiving blankets - Pretty basic, this is what we wrap the baby in after s/he comes out of the bathtub and is dried off.
**Baby Clothes - I asked my oldest to get 4 boy outfits and 4 girl outfits out of the boxes.... he came back with all neutral clothes that him and his brother & sister helped pick out.   *shrug*   Oh well........ guess we'll wait to see what we have and THEN get the clothes out.  
**Changing pad - Not that we ever change diapers on these, but I have one and they are nice to have around.
**Bassinet - We decided to skip the cradle in our room this time (don't use it anyway) but it is nice to have something to lay the baby in downstairs while I cook dinner or something.   This white wicker bassinet we use is special because it was sent to us from my surrogate family.   Mark (my husband) and Dada when shopping and picked it up together to use for Ethan.  When we got pregnant with Zeyon they sent it up to us.   *Warm Fuzzies*
**Couch - Once we took the tree down we moved the couch we had in our room since LAST Christmas back down to the livingroom.   Wow - my room has lots of room now!!
**Carseat - I am super anal about car seat installation and since I waited too long I couldn't get in and properly install the carseat with my big ol' preggo belly.   One of my girlfriends heard me say I was going to take it down to the police station and she volunteered her equally anal hubby.   So - he installed it for me just the other day!  I still need to put up the 'rear view mirror'....

Now the stuff that is still 'to be done' doesn't seem that long - I need to get a little bit more of a stock up for groceries since I can't leave the house for 2 weeks.  Directions to and from the hospital to my house need to be put up on my fridge 'just in case'.  Our cameras need to be charged and ready to go!   We cannot find our video camera's charger right now and it is driving us nuts!!  When our daughter was born we had the camera up on the towel rack and when I knew I was close I yelled at Mark "hit record!" so we were able to record the birth from a distance.  I have watched it a few times since then and it is so nice to know I have it.  Oh yes, and I need to get my sheets and waterproof mattress pad on my bed - probably a couple layers so I can just take off one layer and have a clean one underneath.  Again, something I have never needed, but nice to have just in case.

Not my supplies, but a reasonable facsimile.

I also have the all important REAL birth supplies ready and set up on a table (and changing pad) in my room.  I have everything from those little fingernail scrubbers with cleaner built in to a peri bottle.  Mesh panties to chux pads.   Maxi pads to cord clamps.  Crock pot to receiving blankets.  Newborn screening kit to a hand knitted baby hat.  Bowl for the placenta to a shower curtain.   Gloves to thermometers.  What I don't have on hand the midwives will be bringing including the oxygen, pitocin, baby scale and medical charts. 

The time is fast approaching.  My due date is 13 days away.   I am *praying* to make it to my due date.  My husband gets the pleasure of having a few surgeries this coming Tuesday (one week before my due date!) - 2 small hernia's and a vasectomy.   For most people this would be fine - surgeries happen in hospitals and babies are born in hospitals.  Not me.  Since we have to travel over the the mountain 2 hours (each direction!) to the hospital I am hoping to get over the hill and get back still pregnant!  Worse case scenario - I have an emergency birth kit in my car that is well stocked, I would just have to do it all on my own.  I can do that if I need to......... just not idea.  My husband is going to be a *little* sore for the first week and I really want to give him all the time he needs to recoup before the Little Intruder is born.  He plans on staying home with the baby and I for the first 2 weeks and be my caregiver (ahhh, gotta love the guy!), so hopefully that extra 2 weeks that he isn't running around at work will give him more opportunity to heal up.   If his surgery and me giving birth happen too close together we might have some issues......

Until then - I need to go get some more things checked off my list.  Better go find that rear facing mirror......

Oh yes - I did have my check up today too - everything was 'just perfect!'.  Head down but not engaged (that is great right now!), back along my left side and a relatively small head (yippe!!).  Ok, off to look for the mirror.........

A little size comparison - just for fun!

So I have been saying for some time that I feel smaller this time around.   At my appointment last Wednesday I told my midwife I was curious as to how I was measuring compared to the last two - today she called and gave me a few numbers.

 Here they are: 

Zeyon - 10lbs, 4ozs born on his due date
At 36 weeks my fundal height was 37
At 39.2 weeks my fundal height was 43 - a gain of 6 in 3 weeks!
Total weight gain - 40 lbs

Sheridan - 9lbs, 2ozs born 7 hours past her due date
At 36 weeks my fundal height was 40
At 39.2 weeks my fundal height was 42 - a gain of 2 in 3 weeks!
Total weight gain - 50 lbs

At my appointment last week (36.1 weeks) my fundal height was 39 and my weight gain this far has been 32.   Very interesting.  I am amazed at how closely I am following the last 2 pregnancies.   Even though I feel smaller I am actually measuring bigger than Z and smaller than S.   Obviously the last 3 weeks can make a difference!  I think I still have to go with my gut and say this baby might be smaller, but *really* - I have no reason to say that.  I must just be getting used to packing kids around!!  

I will be closing our baby poll this weekend, so if you want to make a guess and you haven't yet - NOW is the time!!!     Here is the link one last time - http://www.expectnet.com/games/Intruder   (You can also find a direct link on the side of the blog - big orange box!

DeLurking -

Oh yeah, and apprently this week you are supposed to 'delurk'.... not sure why, but it sounds like a good way to start off the new year to me!  

You don't have to delurk permanently, but if you are brave - drop a message or a question or comment.   *smile*    Have a wonderful year - I am sure it is going to be one of great adventure!!

2, 4, 6, 8 - 32

Nope, not the secret to my safe or my locker - something much better!

Two is the number of children that I got to help bless another family with.

The number of kids that will soon be running wild in my house!!

The number of children that (very soon) I have given birth to.

The number of children that I have carried in my womb for some amount of time.  I carried one little one to 12 weeks along with his/her brother before a reduction was performed and another little one I lost between 5 and 7 weeks.   Eight beautiful children I have carried and loved..... pretty awesome!!

Thirty-two.    

That is how much weight I have gained so far this pregnancy.   Yeah, not nearly as special as my other numbers, but significant nonetheless.   My husband and I ended up watching some smut celebrity weight loss show the other day and they featured one of the previous playboy bunnies and talked about her gaining 65lbs with her first pregnancy.... so my hubby asks the *wonderful* question:   "So have much have you gained?"

With the first 3 kiddos I gained 29, 30 and 31 pounds.   With my youngest son I gained 40 and with my daughter I gained nearly 50.  If you recall not to long again I was getting down about all the junk in my trunk I have been carrying around this pregnancy.... but really, with less than 4 weeks to go I don't think I am doing so bad!  I hit a plateau at 25lbs which I thought was great - and then Thanksgiving came, my birthday came and who knows how many Christmas parties there were!   So, I added on a few pounds then too.   If you remember I don't obsess about my weight, but I do monitor it.  I have read about some people just stressing out about it - really?   You are GROWING A CHILD!!!   

In other news my 36 week check up was great!!  My belly measured about 39 and my iron level was still above 11!!  Woot!!!  I checked myself before the appointment and really don't see where I have dilated at all, which is fine by me.  We worked on some more paperwork and talked about a few 'what if' situations.   Baby weight guess was 6.5 - 7lbs, which is maybe *just* over the average of 6lbs.   Then again - none of my kids are 'average', so it was perfect!   Every Wednesday I'll be having my check ups.   Last night I decided to try out the Contraction Monitor (not the real name) app on my iPod - very cool!  I was able to email my contraction history for an hour (that is how long I monitored it for) to one of my midwives who deemed it 'good pre-labor'!

Although I love Christmas, I am ready for it to be done and out of my house - so tomorrow hopefully the rest of the stuff will be taken down including the tree!  My 'to do' list for baby is getting longer and longer and getting the tree out and my living room cleaned up is at the top of my list.   Well, that and the 9 loads of laundry sitting on my couch to be folded..... Ugh.   I did manage to work on our upstairs (which is just our bedroom and bathroom) the other day.   Got out the birth supplies that I have left from the last time and just tonight I ordered a few other necessities to have on hand.  Since I'll be spending the first week upstairs I want it looking half way decent - since I can't leave all the visitors will probably be coming up.  I got stuff put away, now it just needs a good cleaning.   Maybe after all the laundry is done......